Geek Wannabe

Who knew there’d ever be such a thing as a geek wannabe? Apparently, a little while ago, geek suddenly became cool (I know, that’s practically an oxymoron). Even with geek being newly chic, would there be people weird enough to actually want to be a geek without meeting the basic qualifications? As it turns out, yes, there are.

Okay, so what does it take to be a geek wannabe? Here is an incomplete list of some distinguishing characteristics:

1. Superficial interest in science or math. It’s not necessary to actually understand the concepts or even the basics, just to be able to drop buzzwords like ‘string theory.’
2. Repulsion to learning the basics. Calculus is cool, but it’s too difficult to bother learning how y = x + 3.
3. Questionable goals. With enough determination and time (not to mention, money), even the most improbable of academic goals may be achieved. But, who really wants the engineer that took Physics 101 five times designing their bridge?
4. Geeky catchphrases. It’s not really necessary to know what they mean; just being able to say things like “triple integral” and “partition the hard drive” seems geeky enough.
5. Geek apparel. Owning a Linux shirt without ever having used the operating system is one example. The same goes for binary stuff.
6. Useless gadgets. Bought because they were considered “geeky” with no idea how to use them.
7. Facebook. It’s also a requirement to join all those geeky groups with the math and science jokes that fly right overhead.
8. Excuses. The professor doesn’t teach the material in a beneficial way, the textbooks are poor, or the material is too basic. Never mind that one-hundred other students have gotten through the course with those same limitations.

While it’s flattering to find that rock stars and sports heroes are no longer the sole inspiration for unlikely dreams, perhaps after the third try at Math 101, it may be time to explore an alternative calling.